When I begin meditation and go inside and ask for help to grow, what I really ask for is to transcend myself, to go above my limitations, my shortcomings, not to identify with my thoughts, and really go to a place that is more detached.
To do that I have to see myself the way I really am, on a daily basis every minute, every second of the day. I need to be honest with myself and see what I really feel. If I feel something that's not too worthy of where I want to go, or what I want to be, I know that I have to work much deeper in myself.
I want to feel light in a situation. I want to feel uplifted and be give an uplifting energy. I met today a person that was once very dear to me. I looked at them and I was in a shock because I put so much into them and I wanted to see the fruits of the effort and I saw that all was gone. All of the energy was totally gone.
And then I witnessed my own reactions. My first reaction was, wow, arrogant and judgmental. Internally, I thought to myself, "that's what happens. That's what always happens. He should have known better."
And then my next reaction was of a higher consciousness, I said "that's not really worthy of you, Alik. That is not the feeling that you want."
Immediately, I went deeper inside and I felt this feeling of compassion for them.
I started viewing it from that point, of compassion, of understanding. Of seeing the struggles they are going through - not putting my personality in there. Letting go of my feeling of, "I told you so" and all that nonsense that we are living in.
Basically, all the time everyone is busy doing things to reinforce our own ego to reinforce our very insecure sense of judgment. That's what we need to do each day when we ask to grow. We really have to grow to transcend ourselves. It's not just to transcend a certain problem and situation. But really the biggest thing is to transcend our own limitations and work from a place that is deep in compassion and that's loving. That's what it means to transcend yourself. That's what you need to do and the opportunities are boundless. I mean there are thousands of them in the duration of one day. Because every human being's ego has one purpose and that is to justify oneself all the time.
That's what the ego does. It always has to paint us in a bright side, in a correct way, in a righteous way. When you want to grow, you have to really defeat this part in yourself. No matter how many times you do it, you still have to do it again and again and again. Endlessly. It's a monster that you always have to keep a leash on. Otherwise you go in a second and devour the whole garden. So I found it in myself today. My first reaction was a very strange sort of satisfaction. A very low level kind of feeling inside.
"Then I said, what is wrong with you, Alik? You should go a lot deeper than that."
As a result something alot deeper opened in me. Each person has a struggle. Each person really has their own struggle in life. Who are are we to judge and put our own personality in the way judging them?
A spiritual life is acting as a river, giving the water. Not running after the person who drank from your water, watching what they have done. It's ridiculous.
You're just the river in this situation. You keep your water flowing and clean. That's all you have to do in life. But it'll get you like it got me by surprise the first minute. And that's what we always have, the problem with our ego.
It gets us the moment we expect it less. We want this very moment where we are more vulnerable. We are not as open as we should be. We need to do the work to have this feeling less and less.
I look at myself and say, I think you are not God's answer to the universe. You have got your own limitations and problems. Focus on yourself. Focus on how to grow. Then you will not sit in judgment of anyone.
Sitting in judgment, regardless of how accurate and righteous it is, it just shows your limitations. It's a reflection upon you, not the other person. And this needs to be repeated daily. I mean really repeated daily because our ego has one purpose - to always justify us, to put us above anyone in any situation.
We really have to focus on ourselves how to grow you know and everything in life is an opportunity to grow. Everything is raw material for us. Life is the teacher.
If children were taught that before they are put in a small room and closed and taught all this nonsense they'll never use anyway. If they were taught that life is a teacher, how much easier their life would be. How much more evolved they would be just gathering all the information from life and trusting the God within them enough to process it. And then, come to their conclusion not having to be spoon fed all the time.
But we don't do that we put them in a room and we teach them a bunch of stuff that is totally useless and then they're going into life and of course life teaches them other stuff. It shows them other things and they're confused.
Then they go to therapies, psychologists, they are utterly unprepared for life rather than going into life at a certain age and being like a street cat learning what you have to learn in your experience and then process it and grow.
I know the best things I have learned in my life are through my personal experience, through my, jumping into life and being beaten up and down and crushed and rebuilt and never losing this spirit that wants more fire, more happiness.
If you allow children to have that, they'll have it too. They'll have this fire, but it's being always suppressed in them with their finger going against them. Don't, don't, don't. Finally, there are a bunch of very scared little guys, all they know is don't and don't.
And that's the result. You get a bunch of insecure adults. We don't know right from wrong. We don't know left from right. Parent's try to impose on us very demented values that we have received and never forget. Rudi once told me that once a person realizes that 95% of anything he has been taught as a child is wrong they'll be able to start growing. He didn't say 50%, it's amazing to me, he said 95% of what was told to them at the early age is useless. It's true they teach us to be good warriors in society, not to stay open and learn.